I heard we made out
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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