rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
