whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
