I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
