I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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