at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
