thus making me awesome and them whores
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
