hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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