o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
