Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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