I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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