he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
