so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
