she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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