so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
