she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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