It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
