So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
