Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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