i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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