How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
