I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
