The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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