I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
