Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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