I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
