Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I AM VODKA MAN
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
