it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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