This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
