Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
