Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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