i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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