I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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