I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
