: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
