um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Randomize
