On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Maybe he injected his testicle?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
