where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
