shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
