Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
