True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
