New low: just hacked my moms facebook
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
