Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
