Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
