Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
