Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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