I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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