when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
