I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
