My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
