i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
