OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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