There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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