My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
